I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They have beer where we have blood.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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