Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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