i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
