In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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