According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I will pee on everything he values.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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