It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
