So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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