She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
