Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
