omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
its not stalking. its research.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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