Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
