So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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