i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You're a waste of cheezeits
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
