just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
