Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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