'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize