I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
