At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is Oprah even human
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
