If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
