Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
