I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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