He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
