We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
