Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
