You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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