Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
