When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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