I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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