Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
