I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
