i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
