There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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