you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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