I want to walk on stilts...naked
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize