My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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