Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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