Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
