In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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