a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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