You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
