I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Man, jail baloney is awful.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
