I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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