You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
