I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
