how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
