Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
