She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
