Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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