Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
