All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
