I think scott just propositioned me for sex
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
