If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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