I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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