I like my sex mixed with concussions.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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