Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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