my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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