We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
