I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
