She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
