Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
