NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
