Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize