when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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