So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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