i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
