I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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