Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
